Posted in LGBT Couples

Best Hopes for Today? LGBT Couples

Simply stated and incredibly breathtaking what that question can evoke.

I have seen it invite 50 minutes of couples falling back in love. I strive to offer my clients this empowering starting point!

As they sit in apprehension of changing something that looks so broken; I see the POSSIBILITIES. In a LGBT relationship the support might look different from heterosexual friends. I see one of the most difficult challenges of the LGBT community as having problems. Many times when a problem arises family members, work connections, or others who might not see the relationship as real are quick to only see one best hope. Letting it go.  Over coming issues  as a couple is hard enough, add same-sex and you have to be extra diligent about nurturing the connection between partners.

What are you willing to see as possible?

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~ When I ask this, the responsibility is placed with the client. WHAT? They are responsible. Yes. As a counselor, I can not make you want to be willing. I can help you find the strengths and solutions that you ALREADY possess and build on them.

~ LGBT clients have already overcome so much. Learning to love the true person they are! A willingness to see the impossible as possible. I see this as strength and building blocks to help structure your relationship’s foundation.

~ Same-Sex relationships, many times, have to provide their own stability in the middle of an issue. They have to depend on their own commitment to the relationship when the outside world does not recognize them as a couple. This can keep them in the problem instead of moving into the solution. Find healthy support!

~ When couples are isolated, as often will happen with the LGBT community; seeing ‘possible’ can be clouded and frustrating. I work to pull the solutions from the past into the present and future!

What are your best hopes for today?

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Much Respect,

Melinda Porter MA

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Posted in LGBT Coming Out, LGBT Families, LGBT Parenting

Do the kids know? Coming out to Your Children~

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My Son, My Gift, My Joy…My Life Time of Lessons…

“Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them.”

                                                                           Lady Bird Johnson, former U.S. first lady

Oh, the gift of being a parent. I think I learn the most when dealing with my son. He is now a marine about to be married, but still, I learn. I have learned that honesty connects us and dishonesty places a wedge between us. I know that as a parent it is my job to handle stress in a way that models how he can do it or not… later in his life. My goal is to let him see me work through struggles but yet not be responsible for them as the child.

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Telling your children that you are LGBT is not an easy conversation, accepting that will allow you to move pass the fear of doing it wrong. There is no ‘right or wrong’ way. The ‘talk’ can be awkward, uncomfortable, difficult or damaging. So~ PLAN!

* It is not the child’s job to make you comfortable or to make it easier.
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* You are the parent, make sure the conversation is age appropriate, using understandable terms and statements.

* Go over the conversation with a counselor or trusted adult friend. These are your children, they are worth the energy of planning a healthy conversation.

* Do not share more than asked~Your children are NOT your best friends. Sharing too much can be damaging, so respect yourself and them!

* Let them know you will be happy to answer appropriate question or let them talk to someone (i.e. counselor) if they want.IMG_5432

* Understand that they have a right to grieve the loss of what they thought to be true and what they now know…respect their space but stay present.

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You do not have to be perfect…my son would have fired me years ago if so! You have to be the loving parent you were before the conversation~that is your job! To love them…and don’t be afraid to ask for help. If the conversation did not produce what was needed for your family to work, talk to someone, then try it again.

Much Respect,

Melinda Porter MA

Posted in Transgender

Transition into self~ Transgender

There have been many times in my life when I’ve struggled with who I am. Paced for hours trying to put my finger on the item that does not fit. My struggles have been painful processes of pulling out who I am at my core; ripping it alway from who I want to be for acceptance.

With work, one day I fell in love with the person inside. All her quirkiness and craziness. I accepted that I like kick-boxing, running, quilting and  wearing a dress. I found that I like me.

My transition was within a simplistic boundary, although difficult for me, easily attainable with personal restructuring.

What if I had found that my core, my soul, was that of a different gender. I am not talking sexuality, but gender.

Within these people I see the truest of strength. tree rainbow

Transgender individuals know, you can not just change your outfit or your hair. It is a feeling from within that pushes you into a perpetual state of cycling. A constant feeling of being dishonest to yourself and to others. Wondering if they knew, would they still love you?  Do they see the real you? Until even the fear of people knowing is not as great as the fear of living one more day trapped. Stuck within yourself and your body.

Thoughts:

* Be at peace with who you are in the moment. Hating the person on the inside or out can only lead to solutions that fit other people… not you.

* Transitioning is a process and self-care is very important, so make sure you are working with someone who keeps your focus on mental care and learning how to self nurture.

* As you start you HRT make sure that you are documenting things or actions that you do differently that you like. Learn who you are going to be when your outsides and insides match. You have spent a lot of time not liking who you are, relish the time to fall in love with yourself!

* Be clear on ‘self’ and how the transition is to go, it is for you, so protect yourself with knowledge.

Transitioning does not have a short cut, be ready to love YOU through this beautiful merging of self!

Best Wishes,

Melinda Porter MA

Posted in Awards

Standing in a moment…

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Thank you to Ajaytao for sending a burst of joy into my day. I am honored that your thoughts flow in such away to give…to share the moments that make you smile…Your inner peace allows for true connections with others and for that…I will sit in a moment… allowing my inner self to feel the joy!

Melinda Porter MA