Posted in LGBT Coming Out

Stepping “OUT” LGBTQ

IMG_0229When you step out~

Off with the ‘self’ people think they see and into the you!

What are some healthy ways that have worked to find the YOU that fits?

We have friends in the LGBTQ community that struggle to find their true self; a self that deserves to be loved. Many times the thought of being gay is seen as ‘wrong’ so ‘poor actions’ can be attached to it. Here are some healthy thoughts about coming out!

* Know that you know yourself best! If you are not attracted to the opposite sex then wait until you met the person that does put a tingle in your toes.

* Decide how you want to tell people; start with trusted family or friends.

* Respect yourself by giving yourself time to sort your thoughts and talk to someone. You don’t have to know all the answers.

* If you tell someone and the response is not going well; step back and give them room to think. You are not responsible for taking on their issues but you told them because on some level they were important to you. Giving them time to process may allow you time to reevaluate and modify the conversation. Hurting them is not the goal. Hurting you is not the goal. Starting a line of communication is.

* Talk to someone before having the really hard conversations! Walk through possible terms and statement that might be better for you.

Your path will look different from others and that is ok! Try to stay focused on the goal of connecting with people who you want as a part of your future; close, distant, periodically, or as a memory.

Stepping “OUT” as you ~

Much Respect,

Melinda Porter  817.733.7206

Advertisements
Posted in LGBT Couples

Best Hopes for Today? LGBT Couples

Simply stated and incredibly breathtaking what that question can evoke.

I have seen it invite 50 minutes of couples falling back in love. I strive to offer my clients this empowering starting point!

As they sit in apprehension of changing something that looks so broken; I see the POSSIBILITIES. In a LGBT relationship the support might look different from heterosexual friends. I see one of the most difficult challenges of the LGBT community as having problems. Many times when a problem arises family members, work connections, or others who might not see the relationship as real are quick to only see one best hope. Letting it go.  Over coming issues  as a couple is hard enough, add same-sex and you have to be extra diligent about nurturing the connection between partners.

What are you willing to see as possible?

cropped-tree-rainbow.jpg

~ When I ask this, the responsibility is placed with the client. WHAT? They are responsible. Yes. As a counselor, I can not make you want to be willing. I can help you find the strengths and solutions that you ALREADY possess and build on them.

~ LGBT clients have already overcome so much. Learning to love the true person they are! A willingness to see the impossible as possible. I see this as strength and building blocks to help structure your relationship’s foundation.

~ Same-Sex relationships, many times, have to provide their own stability in the middle of an issue. They have to depend on their own commitment to the relationship when the outside world does not recognize them as a couple. This can keep them in the problem instead of moving into the solution. Find healthy support!

~ When couples are isolated, as often will happen with the LGBT community; seeing ‘possible’ can be clouded and frustrating. I work to pull the solutions from the past into the present and future!

What are your best hopes for today?

green eye

 

Much Respect,

Melinda Porter MA

Posted in LGBT Coming Out, LGBT Families, LGBT Parenting

Do the kids know? Coming out to Your Children~

IMG_5430
`1992
IMG_5117
My Son, My Gift, My Joy…My Life Time of Lessons…

“Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them.”

                                                                           Lady Bird Johnson, former U.S. first lady

Oh, the gift of being a parent. I think I learn the most when dealing with my son. He is now a marine about to be married, but still, I learn. I have learned that honesty connects us and dishonesty places a wedge between us. I know that as a parent it is my job to handle stress in a way that models how he can do it or not… later in his life. My goal is to let him see me work through struggles but yet not be responsible for them as the child.

IMG_5427

Telling your children that you are LGBT is not an easy conversation, accepting that will allow you to move pass the fear of doing it wrong. There is no ‘right or wrong’ way. The ‘talk’ can be awkward, uncomfortable, difficult or damaging. So~ PLAN!

* It is not the child’s job to make you comfortable or to make it easier.
IMG_5431

* You are the parent, make sure the conversation is age appropriate, using understandable terms and statements.

* Go over the conversation with a counselor or trusted adult friend. These are your children, they are worth the energy of planning a healthy conversation.

* Do not share more than asked~Your children are NOT your best friends. Sharing too much can be damaging, so respect yourself and them!

* Let them know you will be happy to answer appropriate question or let them talk to someone (i.e. counselor) if they want.IMG_5432

* Understand that they have a right to grieve the loss of what they thought to be true and what they now know…respect their space but stay present.

IMG_5428

You do not have to be perfect…my son would have fired me years ago if so! You have to be the loving parent you were before the conversation~that is your job! To love them…and don’t be afraid to ask for help. If the conversation did not produce what was needed for your family to work, talk to someone, then try it again.

Much Respect,

Melinda Porter MA

Posted in Transgender

Transition into self~ Transgender

There have been many times in my life when I’ve struggled with who I am. Paced for hours trying to put my finger on the item that does not fit. My struggles have been painful processes of pulling out who I am at my core; ripping it alway from who I want to be for acceptance.

With work, one day I fell in love with the person inside. All her quirkiness and craziness. I accepted that I like kick-boxing, running, quilting and  wearing a dress. I found that I like me.

My transition was within a simplistic boundary, although difficult for me, easily attainable with personal restructuring.

What if I had found that my core, my soul, was that of a different gender. I am not talking sexuality, but gender.

Within these people I see the truest of strength. tree rainbow

Transgender individuals know, you can not just change your outfit or your hair. It is a feeling from within that pushes you into a perpetual state of cycling. A constant feeling of being dishonest to yourself and to others. Wondering if they knew, would they still love you?  Do they see the real you? Until even the fear of people knowing is not as great as the fear of living one more day trapped. Stuck within yourself and your body.

Thoughts:

* Be at peace with who you are in the moment. Hating the person on the inside or out can only lead to solutions that fit other people… not you.

* Transitioning is a process and self-care is very important, so make sure you are working with someone who keeps your focus on mental care and learning how to self nurture.

* As you start you HRT make sure that you are documenting things or actions that you do differently that you like. Learn who you are going to be when your outsides and insides match. You have spent a lot of time not liking who you are, relish the time to fall in love with yourself!

* Be clear on ‘self’ and how the transition is to go, it is for you, so protect yourself with knowledge.

Transitioning does not have a short cut, be ready to love YOU through this beautiful merging of self!

Best Wishes,

Melinda Porter MA

Posted in Awards

Standing in a moment…

Image

Thank you to Ajaytao for sending a burst of joy into my day. I am honored that your thoughts flow in such away to give…to share the moments that make you smile…Your inner peace allows for true connections with others and for that…I will sit in a moment… allowing my inner self to feel the joy!

Melinda Porter MA

Posted in LGBT Families

Teens/Parents in the LGBT Community…

Image
Respecting the parent and the teen is possible!

How did we get here? A question you might be asking yourself. I challenge you to flip it!

Here we are…so, let’s do this!

Being a parent of a LGBT teen provides different questions to ask yourself. How can I support my child if I don’t believe that this is really them? I don’t believe in being ‘gay’; how can I still love my child? Or I see that they are who they are…but I’m still the parent and how do I support them safely?

All of these questions are logical at any time during your teens growth; take out the concept of LGBT and you still have valid parenting questions. You are doing your job if you are still asking questions and growing!

LGBT Teens are still teens and need to be raised as such! They still have to follow family rules and complete family chores. You can still not like who they are dating and who their friends are. It is the why that matters! Trust the teen you are raising to make choices you have modeled for them.

Provide safety in the conversations you have with them; not judgmental. The talking, the conversation, is the gift your child brings to you.

* Provide information and learn together. If they are questioning their sexuality, support the child not the concept by finding healthy information about the community and how they can learn about themselves while living in your home.

* You are the parent, monitor their friends. Healthy friends (you and your child can list what that will look like.) YOU WILL NOT LIKE ALL THEIR FRIENDS; that is a fact of parenting. ARE THEY HEALTHY; do they promote well-being in your teen? Remember the gay teen that you dislike your child being around, is someone else’s child and they might be full of the same questions.

* There is a dangerous side to everything in life. The internet is a FABULOUS place to find safe group meetings and activities. Please remember that it also has lots of people that look for children with parents that try to ignore or hate the ‘gay’ fact away…they wait until your teen can’t take another day isolated…then they are there. So find safe together; maybe even together and uncomfortable…but together.

* Your teen loves you. Most do not look at someone of the same sex and say, “Now that would really hurt my family!” Most of the time there is immediate shame and fear of who they are on the inside. They need you.

Here you are! You and that sweet child becoming an adult…Here you can stand together…

“If I have to pick a day I can make a difference in….Today…would be the answer!” 

@MCPorterLPC

Much Respect,

Melinda Porter MA

Posted in Establishment of Self

Story Pieces~

ImageStory pieces in the LGBT community are not all fairy tales; some are of painful interaction with family, friends, or self. Stories that tell of the coming out or the solidification of one’s self as a whole person. Pieces of the ‘story puzzle’ that don’t make sense until they are put together. My job, my passion…putting together the pieces with love and respect.

Growing up, I knew that my filter looked different than others. I did not jump to conclusions about people but instead questioned the building of self they used. My family was not a ‘feel good’ family but one that believed in self growth. Never standing still in fear or ignorance, we hunger for knowledge! We respect the ability WE OURSELVES have to understand, accept, deny, or have faith in all things.

Pieces that make sense SOMETIMES to me:

* If I can see, truly see, where you are…I can respect it. What pieces are you working on and how do you want them to look? Who are you ready to allow to see them? For me, getting to the real self was the most important thing….it was not the prettiest but it is the most comfortable skin I’ve ever worn.

* Respect yourself, when telling your story understand that you are allowing others to hear and participate in what is now a piece of them too. If you are not ready for someone else to be apart of your story~ Respect yourself and wait to share.

* Enjoy who you are becoming during the journey! I am forever a learner and I love that…I grow and as I grow the details and the edges in my story puzzle soften and become more malleable.

*In this moment …I is me… to the best of my ability

          • We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves.

Lynn Hall

Much Respect,

Melinda Porter MA